Lessons in Learning

I have no idea what I’m doing. You would think a trained educator would be able to easily adjust to homeschooling. Not so. Most days I’m filled with doubt about the decisions I’m making while wondering if my daughter will ever be prepared for high school.

As someone who has a degree in education, I value the school system. Our family has always looked at public schools as a great environment to teach our kids to be a light for Christ and as a great way to get to know our neighbors, community, and many non-Christians. And though some of my children thrive in the public school setting, I knew that some of them may have special needs that would require me to homeschool them.

One of the first blogs I ever wrote was about the struggles my oldest daughter was having in middle school. Her struggles continued for the rest of the year, and I knew it was time for a change. By God’s grace, I was able to enroll her in an out-of-district home link program during the last week of school.

The summer was a roller coaster of emotions as we thought about activities and events that were reserved for the eighth graders in our district. My daughter would miss those and worried about not seeing her friends. Then there would be days of joy when we remembered that for the next year, there would be no testing or homework.

Because I am a teacher, I also love to be prepared and do my research. Usually, I take months to study something before I teach it. I was unprepared for the flexible, go-with-the-flow mentality of homeschooling. It is very unnerving for me to open a book and expect to teach a lesson on the same day that I have read the material. With many of our lessons, I am learning the material side-by-side with my daughter. I can guarantee you that I saved absolutely no space in my brain for how to turn a repeating decimal into a fraction. If I don’t use it, I lose it, and I definitely don’t deal with repeating decimals in any part of my day.

This lack of preparation and knowledge has left me feeling doubtful about whether this school year will actually be beneficial for my daughter. I had hoped to teach her in her learning style with the goal of getting her caught up with her peers. I need to not only get a year of education in, but we have some catch-up work to do. This seems like a nearly impossible task when I can’t even manage to cover every subject in a day.

I know some homeschooling families talk about how they get all of their schooling done in the morning and then have the afternoons free. With my daughter’s learning style, shortening the school day is not a possibility. Neither is independent work. She does best when we talk things over, have hands-on activities, and study the subject from many different angles.

Selfishly I wonder how I’m ever going to get my to-do list done. When do I get to exercise, write, visit with a friend, or simply have a thought to myself? It is hard to see the advantages of everything I am doing. I start to think that maybe my daughter would be better off learning math from someone who already knows the subject.

Right then, my daughter bounds down the stairs and gives me a hug.

She hugged me!

Hugs were rare last year. Her school load was so burdensome last year that she went straight from school, to homework, and then to bed. The majority of our interactions last year were around homework. Often our interactions around homework ended in tears and frustrations. That doesn’t exactly create a hug friendly environment.

Not only have I noticed that my daughter is more affectionate this year, but she is also more talkative and involved with our family. She is usually the first of her siblings to be out of bed in the morning. Without being asked, she dishes up breakfast for her brothers. After breakfast, she volunteers to help pick out everyone’s outfit and finishes making the school lunches. Any time I am in the kitchen cooking, she asks if she can help me.

I always knew she had the spiritual gift of service, but I thought that I was doing her a favor last year by only requiring minimal chores from her. I do not have the gift of service. If someone told me I didn’t have to help out around the house, I would be thrilled. What I have come to understand is that by removing all her areas of service from our family last year, I was cutting off her ability to express herself and show love to us.

I started to think about how I would feel if I was unable to teach, study, or show mercy for a year. The very things that breathe life into me would be gone. It was now easy for me to see why I had lost so much of my sweet girl.

Every Christian has a spiritual gift. Often these gifts get confused with our talents or natural abilities, but the difference with spiritual gifts is that they are meant to be given to other people. They are meant to strengthen the body of Christ. When these gifts are used, both the giver and the receiver are blessed.

“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace.”

1 Peter 4:10.

I am learning that our gifts don’t belong to us but to God. He has entrusted them to us in order to serve His people. 1 Peter 4:11 goes on to say, “in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.” By using our gifts, God is glorified.

I’m not sure what the career path will be for my daughter, but I do know that she was created to be a blessing. Sometimes the things that prepare us for life aren’t the lessons we learn in science, social studies, or math. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a teacher to my core. I believe in education, but sometimes the focus on education can become so intense that we forget to cultivate the rest of the person. I hope that I will be able to instill a love of learning in my daughter this year, but I want that learning to expand beyond the classroom.

One of the blessings that homeschooling has provided our family is evenings together. For the first time, we are attempting to read through the Bible in a year together. We are doing this so that when my daughter enters high school she will have the advantage of having read all of God’s Word. Everyone reads the daily passages on their own and then we discuss the readings as a family over dinner. Our discussions often last long after everyone is done eating. We are only on day 30 of our year plan, but already we are seeing the beautiful benefits of studying together as a family.

There are a lot of things that I have given up this year in order to teach my daughter. I’m not sure if this is just a one year reprieve from public school or if homeschooling will be our new normal. Either way, I hope that when we both look back on this year we’ll think of middle school fondly. I doubt she will ever brag about my math teaching abilities, but I hope that I can be a part of helping her faith take flight. In a time of life when most kids are pushing their parents away, I am relishing her every hug.